Where, Oh Where?
by TuxedoGoku
Summary: Mario has a date with Peach, but oh no! She's gone! Bowser musta kidnapped her!


**Where, Oh Where?**   
  


**"Luigi! Your-a late for you hair-a 'poinment!" Mario called to his younger, yet taller brother. "Oh! And by the way, have-a you decided if-a your-a gonna get-a mohawk yet?" He added.**

**"I'm-a late!" Luigi replied as he dashed into the bathroom to slip down the sink into the Mario Bros. secret warp aria. He then jumped down a secret red pipe labeled "Sabrena's Salon" and disappeared. **   
  


**"I got-a date with an angel... hm. Hmm hm hmm!" Mario sang as he clipped on his clip-on bow-tie. "Now-a to go to my SECRET secret warp-a aria!" He said. He cackled as he hopped into the toilet and flushed himself down into the SECRET secret warp aria. Then he hopped into the SECRET secret warp pipe labeled, "Peach's bedroom."**   
  


**To the chubby plumber's surprise, she wasn't there. "Maybe she's-a slipping into something-a more comfortable." he said, recalling what all the girls on his soaps do when a boy comes. He waited. And waited. And he played Wario Land III. And he played Kirby's Pinball Land. And he even played his Neo-Geo Pocket Color. But Peach did not come. "Oh no! What if she's-a been kidnapped by-a Bowser!!!" He shouted. He quickly raced into Peach's closet and ducked under a large pink dress, and under it he found his SECRET SECRET secret warp aria. "Now, which-a one-a the Princess be down?" He asked himself. There was one labeled, "Bowser's castle" one labeled, "Bowser's dungeon" and one labeled, "7 lands of fun filled with huge enemies and bosses, hundreds of death traps, power-ups, extra lives, and ability to save the game." "Hmm, which-a one?" The over-weight Italian thought. He decided to pick the red pipe, because red was his favorite color. "HERE WE GO!" He shouted as he leaped down the 7 worlds pipe.**   
  


**The first world was giant hideous spider land. There were spiders the size of cars, houses and even buildings! Luckily, Mario found a special power-up, a GameShark!!! He used it to make himself invincible and run right through enemies. Pretty soon, he came to the final boss of the spider land. A huge spider, with each of it's eight legs the size of sky scrapers! Luckily he was invincible, but unfortunately the spider had a GameShark as well. Then they fought for hours till the spider said, "HEY FATNESS!!! I'LL STOP CHEATIN' IF YOU STOP CHEATIN!"**

**"Okay! Deal! No more-a cheatin!" Mario replied.**

**"THATS FREAKIN' SWEET NOW LETS GET IT ON!" The spider said. Mario was overwhelmed. The spider was too big to hurt. Suddenly, he spotted a warp pipe labeled, "The spider's weak spot." He quickly jumped down and found himself in another world! World 7 to be exact! The warp pipe musta been mislabeled!**   
  


**"Hey! Where-a am I?" he asked. **

**"AAAHHH! A BOY!!!" Someone replied.**

**"Oh no! I'm-a in the final level, _The Lady's Room_!!!" He shouted, horrified. "How will I get myself out-a this one??? I don't even know the format of this place! I've-a never even been in-a girl's bathroom! 'Cept-a one, but I only peeked!" He exclaimed. Then, he spotted a Fire Flower in a pretty pot. He quickly grabbed it and powered up to Fiery Mario. "Here we go!" he shouted. Then, the hefty-hero began to navigate the pink-tiled maze. There were Piranha Plants popping outta pots, (say that three times fast!) Bloobers by the block bobbing outta shower heads, and Goomba Gals gopping makeup powder-puffs. He found telaporter toilets and secret-passage stalls, but the exit was nowhere to be found. "Mamma Mia! How the spaghetti-sauce am I-a gonna get outta this one?" He yelled to nobody. The maze was getting darker. The tiles were getting dimmer. Soon he could hardly see at all. **   
  


**"Mario! You came to check out girls?" A voice asked. It was a voice he knew.**

**"No! I am-a looking for the Exit! So leave-a me alone, Wario!" **

**"It's right over there you numb-skull!" Wario said, pointing to a faint red light. **

**"The exit!" Mario yelled happily. He raced over to it, but before he could get out, he bumped into a big puffy ball that had appeared in front of him. "Oh no! It-a can't be! Its-a the GIANT JIGGLYPUFF BOSS!"**

**"JIGG-A-LY PUFF! JIGG-A-LEEEEE PUFF!" The massive Pokemon sang. Then Mario began throwing fire balls at the callosal puff-ball.**

**"Take-a that! And-a that!" He shouted. Then the Jigglypuff boss began to get angry. Suddenly, poisonous bubbles began flying from its mouth. Mario countered them with fire balls, but there were too many bubbles! "Houch! Stop-a right now!" He commanded. The Jigglypuff ignored him and spat even bigger bubbles. Then in a last ditch effort, Mario began singing a lulabye to the Monster Munchkin. "Rock-a-bye Jiggly, big ball of fluff. I don't-a wan-na be ki-lled, by a Jigg-o-lypuff. When, you start sleeping, off, I will go, and-a big, giant Jiggly, won't even know." Much to his surprise, the song worked. **   
  


**He slowly tip-toed out the door, where he found a green warp pipe. "The princess must be down-a there!" he shouted. To bad he woke the Jigglypuff up. **

**"JIGGLYYYYY!" It screamed at him. Luckily Mario jumped down the pipe ware the Jigglypuff couldn't fit. He then was warped back to the SECRET SECRET secret warp aria. Just then, Peach crawled under the skirt that led to the warp aria. (The SECRET SECRET secret one.) **

**"Mario i've been looking all over for you!" She said angrily. "I was starting to think you had ditched me."**

**"But-a Bowser kidnapped you!" Mario explained.**

**"Then how come I'm not in his dungeoun right now?" She said.**

**"Ummm, you-a were not-a kidnapped?" He asked. "But-a then, where were you when I came for our date?" Oh no! Did you-a ditch me?" **

**"No you fat-head I was on the toilet." She replied.**

**"Oh! Well can-a we date now?" Mario asked.**

**"Sorry, but, ummm, I, uh, need, my beauty sleep! Yeah! Maybe some other time!" She said.**

**"Some other time?" Mario repeated. "Oh, Mamma-mia."**   
  


**_That's all folks!_**   
  


**Note: I hear by disclaim that I do not own any of these characters or products! **


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